Such a joy to cook for a group of people who gather for the end of the year. A retreat in the forest. Back to basic, sleeping in a sleeping back next to the fire. Time to rest, to go inside, to heat the fire, to open up, to experience, to share, to eat healthy. Jacqueline (friend and yoga teacher) asked me to join her in the retreat to prepare food. Very happy to do that. To spend time in the kitchen and to join the group when time allowed me.
I enjoyed the time on my own in the kitchen with the beautiful view of the forest. It is great to experience this flow where things get almost created by itself.
A real winter experience. I noticed I did not see the winter from this perspective yet. With the frozen leaves and white snowy mist on the fields. We made silent walks on the heather. Breathtakingly beautiful and confrontational in the same time. The silence of walking in a group without speech, the light and cold weather brings you really close to yourself and shows you where you are. No distractions or small talks to keep you from things that show up. Good, not always easy. I resonate with the words of John O’Dononue about solitude.
‘Solitude is one of the most precious things in the human spirit. It is different from loneliness. When you are lonely, you become acutely conscious of your own separation. Solitude can be a homecoming to your own deepest belonging. One of the lovely things about us as individuals is the incommensurable in us. In each person, there is a point of absolute nonconnection with everything else and with everyone. This is fascinating and frightening. It means that we cannot continue to seek outside ourselves for things we need from within. The blessings for which we hunger are not to be found in other places or people. These gifts can only be given to you by yourself. They are at home at the hearth of your soul.’
And ofcourse, how beautiful it is to be able to share this extremely vulnerable and sometimes scary process with other people. To be touched so deeply, to awaken something so precious. Something that exist that you were not aware about, that you were not able to tap into earlier. It is changing your life forever.
I had a ‘dream’, about the light. I had to swim to the bottom of the ocean. There was diving equipment to put on. I could not do it. I am afraid for the deep sea and for diving as well. How can you expect me to do that. Though, I felt supported and decided I should just do it and face my fear. Not sure how I did it. I don’t remember I was wearing the diving equipment, I was just swimming and forgetting about being in the water. On the bottom of the ocean there was an old wreck. It had an a big heavy treasure with a lock on it. It was strange how I knew what was inside the box, before opening the lock. When I opened it the amount of light coming out was amazing. So strong and so overwhelming. It was just passing me and going up with such a speed and power. I felt this is exactly the light I should stand into. But how to do that? How to step in such a powerful stream of light? It filled me with emotions, it was so beautiful. I have known it for so long. I know it was there. Now I could actually see it. So special.
Later I was sailing to an isolated island. It came across as one of these beautiful islands in the Philippines. So lush and green, filled with light. I could see creativity everywhere. I felt so much home. There were eyes looking at me. I was smiling. I ‘told’ the eyes….yes, I had to swim to the bottom of the ocean on my own. It was something I needed to do all by myself, to face my own fear. To find my own strength.
Leaving the forest happy and fullfilled and looking forward to come back.
