Summer holidays are good to break routine and take a rest from the rhythme of waking up early for school and work. I love to take time to travel and discover new places, to make walks in the mountains, to feel the space and fresh air. Especially living in a city invites me to go out and experience nature. I wrote about it before, it is a need and longing that is growing these past years.
Seeing and talking to people, I notice that many of us are looking for this balance between being active and contribute in whatever you are doing and passions you follow and finding moments to unwind and recharge. It seems like these times are asking a lot from us in terms of absorbing information and swithing between different tasks, roles, phones, social interactions etc. We get so used to it. Is that actually true? Do we get used to it? Or do we get used to the levels of stress and are we somewhere paying the price for it?
Looking at my own process, which can be challenging at times, I notice I became more aware of what is good and actually not good for me. It takes time, it has been a process of years and years. The five years of living in Asia, in a different climate and rhythme, also added to this awareness. In retrospect, looking at life in Amsterdam the years before moving abroad, I can see how much I got used to the hectic life. Taking care and bringing up young children, commuting to work, time for family and friends. Always a next thing to do. I loved it, it was a beautiful and dynamic life. But I did have stomach pain all the time and not enough time to figure out what it was. I did yoga for many years and I did eat healthy food though it was all part of the same busy life:)
Now I can see things more clearly. What it is I am struggling with: the difficulties with pace and stress, my senstive nervous system that influences my digestion, general impatience, my sensitivity and vulnerabilty in combination with recent life changing events. How to react on moments of being overwhelmed? For me it shows I need my quite times, to gather myself again. To find my own strength, my rhythme, allowing space for emotions, fear and sensitivity in stead of locking it up. It needs softness and patience. It can be so easy and so tough at the same time. But what a beautiful process! For me it is what it is all about, to be able to allow yourself to find and express who you really are with all the things it brings. Allowing not to know. How much trust do I have in life to really let go?
During the holidays I made sure I did my morning yoga practise. It was good to wake up on the campsite and take my mat and sheepskin and find a quite place where I would not disturb anyone and can sing out loud. And yes, I did not always feel like it. I can be lazy, feeling tired, not inspired. Though I know how much better I feel when I do it. From here my motivation and discipline grows. Lately I rediscovered the meaning of discipline and committment. For so many years I did not resonate with these words at all. I wanted to be free, preferred to ‘go with the flow’ and just see what would come on my path. It was good for a while and it gave me great chances and adventures, jobs, living experience abroad, meeting wonderful people, new projects and study opportunities. I had this naive trust in the unknown and the fact it would always be good. This phase asks something else. Discpline and committment to take care of myself well to be able to stand strong. I notice I need to do that in my own way, not to adapt to whatever I think is expected but to trust my intuition. This summer I felt a growing wish to do a 40 days of Kundalini Sadhana, a practise very early in the morning. Lately I have been doing it regularly and it was also part of my recent Kundalini training. The 40 days is a next step. It means I will have to wake up at 4am for 40 days which is a committment. That committment feels good. I am motivated and looking forward to start this Sunday. A present I give to myself.
“There are a lot of things we need: One of these needs is that for the mind to work for you for the whole day, it must be fresh and clear; it must be made livable. That is why it is a requirement to rise early in the morning when nobody can disturb you, when you can be yourself.” Yogi Bhajan
Love the recent posts of John O’Donohue, an Irish poet. I follow him on FB. His writing is so breathtakingly beautiful.He found the words for things so meaningful and often so difficult to describe. I am reading An Embrace of belonging. It touches something very deepdown in me that is seeking for truth and clarity. We are never alone. It tells me that, indeed, ‘this interim world, this invisible territory, knows more than we do, even things we have yet to discover as we continue to imagine who we are’ (An Embrace of belonging, excerpt from BEAUTY).
It brings trust, courage, hope and love for life.